BFHOOVEY

Your friendly neighbourhood drug dealer. A surprisingly affable person, BFHOOVEY wouldn't say no to any request. He'll stock you up on whatever you're looking for, as long as you leave happy and satisfied. Nobody knows the true identity of BFHOOVEY, as every drug runner has refused to rat him out, saying something along the lines of, "Nah, he's too nice. I wouldn't sell out my homeboy." Reports suggest that he may actually be quite a family man as well, as mail has been tracked from his address every week to his elderly grandmother, and he flies to her house every three months.

Biography
BFHOOVEY is more than just a common drug dealer, he also sells (at an extremely inflated price), children, child accessories and Woody from Toy Story memorabilia. He collated this large collection from 425 years of West Virginian born and bred knowledge. BFHOOVEY always prefers to be called by the pronoun 'him'; because he grew up in a very Christian age, he believes that being referred to as anything else is an insult to the sacrifice made by all the young (and very attractive) men who died in the Crusades.

Trivia

 * He punched someone, once. He said it was such an awful experience that he immediately and profusely apologised and gave them 12 kilos of cocaine free, on the house.

Quotes
"'Stick that thing in there and leave it alone.'""'Let's drop some acid in this b****.'""'Cocaine white is my favourite colour.'""'Ryan Reynolds was the best Green Lantern, He was unrivalled.'"

Relationships

 * Sergeant Penis-Whacker - She's bad for him, but he's good for her. His influence tends to keep her calmer, and in exchange for his therapeutic conversation, she agrees to not chop off his penis. However, whenever he has spent time with her, he is slightly less impressively happy, and after he had spent 24 hours calming her down after a particularly violent episode, he punched someone in the arm (see trivia). Of course, he apologised profusely, but he is scared that she is rubbing off on him. He'd never stop seeing her though, as that would be rude.