Burton & Buppo's Beverage Business

History
Richard Burton and James Buppo were born on the 18th of November 1904 and 6th of August 1905 respectively. They both grew up in poor households in Detroit. James was interested in chemistry from a very young age. When he was seven he created a formula that he added to petroleum to increase power and lessen the smell. When he was 14 he formulated a sludge that was 100% waterproof but could stick to almost any surface. When he was 21 he found his calling in life. He created a mayonnaise that was as addictive as cocaine, but had no negative side effects (It was later discovered that the mayonnaise - known as Buppo's Fabulous 'Naise - was linked to increased likelyhood of developing: nasal infections, hepatitis A, B and C, extreme migraines, loss of taste, loss of smell, loss of blood, cancer, AIDS, HIV, the bubonic plague, measles, eye cancer, hairloss, infertility, obesity, penis shrinkage, ass goblins, poop cancer, diabetes, leukemia, head tumors, stupidity and spontaneous combustion.)

Richard Burton worked from the age of 11 at a petrol station. He worked there for 13 years until he met James Buppo trying to find a petrol station that would sell his petrol formula. Burton agreed. For the next decade and a half James and Richard became close business partners and both made a small fortune. Burton decided to combine Buppo's chemistry experience and his business experience to start a beverage company.

The duo opened a small store front in Detroit where they sold mostly alcohol. The store was initially named Beverage Council LTD. Business was good, and provided the two with a steady income on top of the money made selling the petrol. Buppo was always tinkering with recipes in his spare time, trying to create the most refreshing drink in the universe. (Little did he know that the Obloid Twins from the planet Zoopladon in the Andromeda Galaxy had done just that 200,000 years prior. But America in 1955 had minimal interaction with extra-terrestrials at the time). It was around this time - due to Burton's exceptional marketing - that Buppo's Fabulous 'Naise gained international success and the two friends were now rolling in cash.

Burton and Buppo could now afford to make their business country - and hopefully world - wide. They bought a massive lot of land outside Decatur, Illinois. and in 1960 opened a large factory producing and selling 55 different alcoholic drinks, 15 unique fruit juices and 100 different flavours of cola. The building had a massive dining room and the ability to ship country-wide, with room for expansion. Due to a law suit from The English Beverage Council, The duo rebranded the company to: Richard Burton and James Buppo's Beverage and Entertainment Enterprise. Just a year later it was shortened to: Burton and Buppo's Beverage Business for marketing reasons.

'Naise-gate
On the 24th of April 1976 forty-nine cases of spontaneous human combustion were linked to Buppo's Fabulous 'Naise. All the families issued a class-action lawsuit of a grand total of $800 million USD against James Buppo. James Buppo reached a settlement of only 250 million dollars after: "A long negotiation and many personal apologies with the families and friends of the deceased." - James Buppo. Many suspected that Mr Buppo had paid off many of the judges involved, some even say that supernatural forces were at play. Many eyewitness accounts corroborate a story of a "Large UFO" that appeared over the courthouse the night before the hearing. None of these claims have been substantiated.

One of the people who believed this theory of extra-terrestrial tampering was Cody Mclain, and on September 19th 1976 Cody pulled a gun and fired three shots at Mr Buppo as he was making his way from the courthouse to his car. Two shots missed and the third hit his lower back. Cody was immediately apprehended with no resistance and in a statement later said: "The elite are in league with a mysterious alien race known as The Blarf, They're comin' for you. For me. For everybody!"

Buppo recovered in hospital and was discharged on the 4th of January 1977. In an interview with Burton in the 2006 documentary 'Thirst Quenchinly DEADLY' (a documentary about the life of James Buppo and the scandal around his famous 'Naise) he said: "James was never the same after that incident... [James] would lock himself away for hours, or sometimes days at a time. I would never hear or see him."

Cody Mclain was charged for attempted murder and was sentenced to life imprisonment. However, on the 4th of January 1977; the same night Buppo was discharged from hospital, Cody went missing from his cell, along with all his belongings, and the toilet. The only thing left was a bright green sludge all over the cell wall and the lock of the cell door.

The Beginning of the End
Little is known for sure about the years shortly after 'Naise-gate. What is known is confusing and as such, has lead to many conspiracy theories surrounding James Buppo's final years. According to Burton in his 1998 book "Liquidation", he states that Buppo spent the rest of his life trying to create the elixir of life. Burton theorised that his advancing age and the attempt on his life sparked a determination to not have to live in fear anymore. "Buppo became intensely afraid of death, he would never talk about his age, and anyone who brought up death around him was either fired, or abused." - Richard Burton, 1998.

The End of the End
James Buppo died on December 22nd, 1990 at the age of 85. The circumstances surrounding his death are hotly debated to this day. The autopsy revealed that he was poisoned by drinking a bottle of Burton and Buppo's Cherry Cola Twist laced with belladonna, an extremely poisonous plant. It was quickly found that Buppo's maid, Andria Ford, had a small bag of belladonna hidden in a filing cabinet at her home. She pled innocence in court and maintained her innocence until on the 12th of November 1991 when she was sentenced to life.

Many believe that the whole trial was a sham. Mainly due to the lack of secondary evidence to confirm Andria Ford's guilt. There was no evidence to say for sure that Andria was anywhere near Buppo's Illinois home at the time of death. In court, Roderick Greene, a life-long friend of Buppo, stated that Buppo kept a book that logged the times of all the maids who worked at his house in order to keep track of pay. Drew Ford, Andria's Husband, also confirmed the existence of the book. However, when Buppo's residence was searched, no evidence of the book was ever found.

The defense brought up in court that only the maids, Roderick Greene and Richard Burton would know where the book is kept. Roderick was confirmed by twelve people that he was attending a corporate Christmas dinner at the time of death and all three of Buppo's other maids were confirmed to not have been near Illinois that night. Richard Burton claimed he was at home that night, this has never been confirmed nor denied.

The most vocal celebrity who showed support for Andria was American actor Ewan Mcgregor. He was quoted saying: "It's all bullshit. Nothing adds up." In the documentary Thirst Quenchinly DEADLY.

The Theories
The most popular conspiracy by far theorises that Buppo found the elixir of life, and Burton killed for it. The evidence for this is the weak and rushed prosecution of Andria, the fact that no one can confirm where Burton was that night, and that Burton is not dead. As of 2020 Burton will be celebrating his 116th birthday, which is extremely rare that someone can live that long. People also noted that in 2006 when he appeared on the documentary Thirst Quenchingly DEADLY he looked extremely good for being 102 at the time. Some say he looked more like he was in his mid eighties. Considering Burton was 86 at the time of Buppo's death, it does appear convincing.

Another theory is that Buppo was killed by "The Blarf" to repay them for getting him out of the 'Naise-gate scandal.

Some also speculate that Burton and Buppo are the same person. Many people have noted the similarities between the two men. They claim Burton faked the death of his alter ego Buppo because he was "Sick and tired of living an exhausting double-life". The fact that both Burton and Buppo have been seen and photographed together on numerous occasions makes this one seem unlikely.

A New Lease on Life
in 2009 Richard Burton sold Burton and Buppo's Beverage Business to Nestle for a whopping $2 billion USD. Burton has never been seen in public again. Some curious internet investigators have tracked down information that as of March 12th 2020 one Richard Burton, born 1904, is still registered on the American Tax Office.

The Plot Thickens
Just when the world had moved on from the mysterious death of James Buppo a new piece of evidence unexpectedly cropped up.

In May 2017 a developer was planning on extending a new road over a dried-up creek bed near Buppo's house in Illinois. Two surveyors found a pair of plastic gloves in the sediment of the creek bed. Just two days prior, the murder of a little girl took place not far from the creek, so the surveyors decided to hand the gloves into the authorities. Some testing revealed that the gloves had to be at least 25 years old and they found trace amounts of the poisonous plant belladonna on the outside of the gloves.

Upon further forensic investigation they found the fingerprints on the inside if the gloves were extremely similar to the prints of Richard Burton. Some say that the prints are not similar enough to haul Burton into court, but some say they are similar enough to at least release Andria Ford from prison. Some don't see the point of sending a now 116-year-old man to prison for a murder committed thirty years ago.

However, maybe Richard Burton has many years still left in him...

"Never has there been a story of more woe, than that of Burton, and his good friend Buppo." - Steve Treddon, 2017 (creator of the 2006 documentary Thirst Quenchinly DEADLY).